Can You Regret Motherhood and Still Be a Good Mom?

I recently read an article by a mother who openly admitted that she regrets having her two young daughters. Before becoming a parent, she had a fun job and a carefree lifestyle. Then she met someone, they started a family, and everything changed. She has no family nearby to help, and her husband, a chef, works long hours. While he does what he can when he's home, it's simply not enough.

Understandably, this lack of support has started to affect both her marriage and her mental health. She’s working part-time in an effort to retain some sense of identity, but it sounds like she’s overwhelmed and struggling to stay afloat.

I have to admit, I’ve never heard a mother speak so candidly about regretting her children. Sure, we hear tragic stories of people who clearly weren’t ready for parenthood, sometimes resulting in neglect or worse. But it’s rare to hear such honesty from someone who is still present and raising her kids, yet feels regret years into motherhood.

The word regret struck me. To me, regret usually implies a mistake you can still somehow correct or learn from. For example, I regret not applying for a job years ago with a director I admired. But even then, that regret didn’t close doors forever—I went on to work with other incredible people. Regret doesn’t have to be permanent or paralyzing, but when it’s about your children, it carries a very different weight.

I admire this woman for writing the article. It takes courage to voice such a taboo feeling. We often hear the message that motherhood should be fulfilling and joyful, and while that’s true for many, it’s not everyone’s reality. Her honesty opens the door to an important discussion. Still, I can’t help but feel concerned—for her, and especially for her kids.

Children are incredibly perceptive. When my own were babies, they could sense when I was stressed or unhappy—they mirrored my moods. Kids know when something’s off, even if they can’t articulate it. That’s why it’s so important for parents to get support, even if it’s not easy or convenient.

The truth is, it’s not the kids’ fault they’re here. They didn’t ask to be born. If you're feeling regret, it’s likely because you’re overwhelmed and burnt out—not because your kids themselves are the problem. That’s why I believe this mother needs to focus on finding a way forward. Yes, it’s incredibly hard. Yes, it feels isolating. But there are ways to lighten the load.

If money is tight, get creative. For example, set up a playdate swap with another parent—you take their kids one afternoon, they take yours another. That not only gives you a break but also benefits the kids socially. It’s more effort than dropping them at Grandma’s house, but it’s doable. You just have to work a little harder about finding support.

Regretting your children is a real, raw emotion—and she’s brave for admitting it—but it can’t stop there. The next step is figuring out how to change the situation. Your kids and your marriage depend on it.

Big life changes are rarely smooth. They knock you out of your routine and force you to grow. Growth comes with pain, but it can also come with purpose. If you can see raising strong, resilient children as part of your purpose, the struggle may feel less futile.

Parenting is hard. No one can sugarcoat that. But help is out there—and asking for it is part of being a good parent.